You make my chest eat itself.
You make me repeat myself.
I don’t want anybody else.
Please stop.
Dream 1
Last night’s dream was a weird one. Me and a bunch of my friends went out to Sea World to celebrate our graduation from high school, which was to happen that night. I had 9 absences in all my classes (that’s the maximum amount allowed), and needed to get to school on time. School began at 10, it was 8 when the dream started. School was also a 2 and a half hour drive away.
I tried to get my friend who’s insanely good at driving to drive me to school, because I had too many absences. It took a lot of convincing, but he finally agreed after I promised to buy him an orange cream ice cream thing. He doesn’t even like those in real life, but whatever.
The dream ended with us driving back to school, him eating the ice cream I promised him.
old men in young bodies
Let’s talk some shit
like the good old days.
We’re old men in
young bodies.
Our blood is thick;
I can feel the damn
stuff clogging
up my veins.
There’s no way to
describe how much
you all mean to me.
No words could capture
the moments but the
nonsensical words
spoken.
the words are drowning themselves out
Shut the fuck up,
shut it off,
I can’t listen
to you talk
anymore.
The words are drowning
themselves out,
your whispering when
you mean to shout,
and a million other
things I won’t mention.
You ask questions you
know can’t be answered.
You plague my brain
like a fucking cancer.
Where do you get off?
Tell me
where do you get off?
the same team
These complexities are killing me,
shit I can’t deal with;
but then it seems like
I can’t deal with anything.
My aching spine and troubled mind
work against each other
when it feels like they
should be on the same team.
Like, if we’re all supposed to do
this one thing, go
this one way, live
this one life,
then where does that leave
my friends and me?
no title would make sense
I’ve thought about you every day
for as long as I can remember.
That means nothing to anyone,
not even me.
It’s second nature.
Because at this point stuff’s weird,
you and I are different people
than we were.
Or maybe we weren’t?
Built up in my mind,
or truly the coolest person
I’ve ever met?
I guess I’ll never know;
I sort of hope to
never know.
cling
I’m clinging onto this peaceful little
section of street.
The birds tweet,
and my body secretes
its total hatred of me.
My eyes aren’t open,
but I can see:
I’ve become something
I never thought I’d be.
churn
It cuts through my stomach lining,
and seeps into the rest of my body.
My limbs made heavy by the nectar
of the gods.
My head burns, my heart burns,
it all burns, all the time.
Slowly churning in my stomach,
the regret seeps out as well.
The feeling of not feeling
is the feeling that I’m shooting for.
out
I’m out of it.
My brains all over the place,
my consciousness can’t keep up.
I can’t believe this is
what it’s come down to.
I can’t believe this is how it ends.
blurry
This blurry vision matches
my blurred consciousness.
This blurry vision makes
a strange amount of
sense.
bumming hard
I actually meant to write a story, and then this came out…
It was an odd day by that summers standards. The generally cloudless skies looked like ZUESS TOOK A GIANT FUCKING SHIT IN A TOILET WITH THAT BLUE TOILET CLEANER IN IT.
IT LOOKED.
LIKE ZUESS’S
FUCKING
SHIT.
doesn’t
It all goes by in a haze,
but that doesn’t mean
it doesn’t
cut.
Doesn’t mean
it doesn’t
burn.
Doesn’t mean
it doesn’t
hurt.
You don’t think
before you
speak.
Why is that?
Why is that?
I guess I can relate
but I
wish
I couldn’t.
it always comes on the same
The same damn thing
over and over;
it always comes on the same.
First, there’s the loss of breath,
the tightening of the chest,
the rotting of the brain
into proverbial goo.
Then, there’s the feigned
regaining of sanity
(the funniest part,
in my humble opinion).
Then, there’s the relapse
into being a lovesick fool
who kids himself into
thinking he’s got a shot.
Finally, there’s acceptance;
the realization of where you truly stand
(or at least, where you think you do).
And the weirdest thing is,
you never realize any of these
stages until they’re all over with.
And you can’t even be sure of that.
For all you, I, or anybody else knows,
we could be going insane as I write.
And a part of me hopes so,
because at least that cycle
is concrete.
